


down to gehenna

by lordbirthdayxv



Series: Undernourished Egos [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mild Degradation, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28838463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordbirthdayxv/pseuds/lordbirthdayxv
Summary: “Where are you taking me?” his words slur like books toppling against each other on a bare shelf. The voice that answers is an anchor.“Home,” and it is good enough.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Undernourished Egos [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116836
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	down to gehenna

**Author's Note:**

> please note that although ki is drunk, this is NOT dubcon but that is because you're in his head and know it is not. please confirm clear headed consent when engaging in drunk sex irl

He is in a glittering room that is burning along the seams when the stranger comes for him. He doesn’t know why he knows this, that the man is looking for him, but the thought is accompanied by the certainty of a devotee. Surely, this too, is worship, looking into dim eyes and feeling the first signs of faith blossom in his body. Like magic, his drink spills from his hand, splashing across his skin and puddling on the floor like libation. 

He is proffered a hand that he takes like a drowning sailor grasps for straws, feels himself swept up to his feet and pulled along the length of the room. The fires of hell in each corner lick at his skin. Sweet rot fills the air and the smell of burning flesh makes him choke, but the stranger guides him along, pulls him outside into freezing darkness. Holds him close and whispers in his ear.

“Why must you be like this, Kihyun?”

Kihyun laughs, bile climbing up his throat and puffing out with his breath. If the man is bothered by the stench, he doesn’t show it. Kihyun puts his vile mouth against his and moves it in a rehearsed motion, a parody of an act that he is sure he once took pleasure in performing and now feels as mechanical as a daily prayer. 

He is pushed away, the hands on his chest extraordinarily, maddeningly gentle. He blinks. Then spits angrily in the man’s face. Watches with satisfaction as he raises a hand to his face to clean off the glob of saliva. His face looks familiar now, the curve of his cheek and the slope of his brow. But not enough.

He is blissfully still a stranger as he helps Kihyun into the back of a car, helps him stretch sideways so he can lie as comfortably as he can. Kihyun keeps his head on the seat and fights to keep the acid from spilling out of his mouth as the car jostles along the way. The sides are closing in on him, the roof of the car touching his nose but when he tries frantically to push against it, his palms meet air and the roof is as high as a ceiling. 

He closes his eyes and he is on a ship and he knows he is about to sink. The ship rocks from side to side before crashing into jagged rocks and Kihyun is adrift a blackened sea, separated from the equally black sky by the stars that dot its surface, glinting a malevolent light. Kihyun’s head dips below the water as his limbs sag and water floods his lungs like oxygen except it hurts it hurts it _hurts_ and Kihyun can do nothing but swallow more.

And then the car stops and the oceans drains from it like water in a tub. There is a face at Kihyun’s feet that looks like home, alien and familiar all at once, tattered comfort clinging to eyelashes like frost hanging from the needles of a pine, swollen love glowing pink on the apples of its cheeks. Lips part around words of concern that filter vaguely into Kihyun’s ears. He shakes his head and falls back against the seat.

When he opens his eyes he is gathered safely in arms that circle protectively around him, carrying him somewhere far away, he hopes. He doesn’t want to think about him but he knows its him and it feels wrong to be here but there is no strength in him to break free and run away once more. So he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his face against a warm chest, hears a heart thud softly underneath a layer of flesh and bone. 

“Where are you taking me?” his words slur like books toppling against each other on a bare shelf. The voice that answers is an anchor.

“Home,” and it is good enough.

His eyes are still shut painfully tight as he is lowered on to soft sheets. Someone tugs his shoes off, unbuttons his collar and he draws in a sharp lungful of air. There is comfortable heat above him, slowly seeping into his skin, flowing like a fine-toothed comb through his tangled nerves, deepening his shallow heartbeat. Relief and a heavy sort of sadness settles over him and he finally opens his eyes to look at his face. Changkyun’s arms are loose bars of a cage on either side of Kihyun’s head, his eyes a million questions coalesced into one, the most important one. 

“I’m not running away,” Kihyun answers. It is a lie but neither of them comments on it. Changkyun leans forward and presses his mouth to Kihyun’s, doing it properly and oh, does he do it well. He kisses with purpose, like he wants to leach Kihyun’s body dry and replace it with his own soul, his love. His love that he pours like blood into Kihyun’s veins, his love that Kihyun takes greedily but spits back out when he has tired of it. 

Changkyun takes his hand and holds it by the knuckles, ridiculously soft. It almost makes Kihyun angry again. Instead, he gasps when Changkyun raises it to his lips and licks the bitter whiskey from the back of his wrist, his tongue a wet line, slow and careful like a man prostrate before God. Kihyun breathes in his woodsy scent, sweet sandalwood burnt around the edges, bittersweet love like a forest on fire.

It spreads, the blaze, fanned with each breath they both draw and soon Kihyun’s whole body is on fire. His thighs rub together like tinder, sparks that singe his skin and leave him raw, every nerve painfully exposed. 

“Please,” he gasps as his back arches off the bed, heels digging into the mattress, toes folding inward. The warmth of a palm wraps kindly around his ankle, pulls and he is drawn closer to Changkyun, his legs hooked over Changkyun’s shoulders as he leans forward and rolls his hips against Kihyun’s pelvis. 

“Tell me you want me,” Changkyun implores as Kihyun cries, “ask for me, is it me you want? Tell me it’s only me you want.”

Kihyun sobs, legs bent painfully as Changkyun bears down on him, rubbing against him torturously slow, folding him in half. 

“You,” he chokes out, “always you.” 

It is another lie but neither of them cares at this point. 

Changkyun flattens himself against the bed and brings his lips to rest against the growing bulge in Kihyun’s pants, opens his mouth and bites, his tongue pressing flat against the coarse denim. Kihyun pushes down against blunt teeth, lets them dig into him, feels a sigh escape his lips. A curious sort of relief comes when Changkyun sucks, hard, and Kihyun sags into the sheets, legs almost slipping off Changkyun’s shoulders.

“I love you,” Changkyun’s voice is desperate, a prayer, as he undoes Kihyun’s jeans with shaking fingers, removes them and casts them away, “I love you so much, only I can love you like this, you know that right? Right, Ki?”

Kihyun, want clogging his head like molasses, nods to placate him, wishes he would hurry up so when Changkyun’s mouth latches on to the head of his dick, he keens, tangles both his hands into Changkyun’s hair and pushes him down until his nose is buried in the dark curls at the base of Kihyun’s dick. Changkyun chokes and whines, a deep rumble that courses like a wave through Kihyun’s body, makes him dig his heels painfully into either side of Changkyun’s spine. He opens his mouth and out tumbles a moan shaped like Changkyun’s name, like false promises of love and loyalty that he has no intention to keep. 

And Changkyun knows, even as he lends the heat of his very core to Kihyun, loves Kihyun in the messiest, deepest way possible. Hooks his tongue in the ridge under the head and pushes, bending it backward a bit before engulfing it again, letting it slide all the way to the back of his throat. Kihyun sobs, fistfuls of Changkyun’s hair in his hands and Changkyun, sweet, sweet Changkyun, sucks and swallows like the dutiful lover he is. Like the lover Kihyun doesn’t deserve.

“Fuck me,” he whispers anyway, demands like he always does, and Changkyun like always, obeys. 

Kihyun hisses as the cold lube sizzles against his burning skin but Changkyun shushes him, soothes him with nonsensical words as his fingers push past Kihyun’s rim and it hurts and maybe, just maybe, Changkyun is doing this on purpose, trying to make him hurt the only way he can. His knuckles brush against Kihyun’s prostate and Kihyun’s thighs quiver, his whole body jolting and of course Changkyun is there to ground him, his other hand splaying across Kihyun’s chest as his mouth descends on Kihyun’s cock with renewed vigor. 

And of course it’s too much, just like everything Changkyun does. He is the very embodiment of too much and Kihyun is too hungry to tell him to stop. so he whispers, “please,” and watches through half-lidded eyes as Changkyun immediately reacts, bends to his will like a flame in the wind, and retracts his fingers. Kihyun’s head hits the pillows with a soft thump, eyes drifting closed as he hears the faint clink of a belt buckle and paper ripping. His legs open of their own accord. _Like a whore_ , he thinks, delighting in the fact that Changkyun would want to meet him that low, fly down to gehenna just to feel Kihyun in his mouth and on his hands. 

No mercy for the foolish.

Kihyun’s back arches off the bed as Changkyun pushes in, slowly, carefully, his hands gliding underneath Kihyun's sweater and finding the knobs of his spine with a tenderness that goes beyond simple touch, tenderness that makes Kihyun want to spit in his face once more, make him bleed and bruise his juvenile, soft skin. But then he holds Kihyun’s waist and pulls him down over his cock and the sound of skin slapping against skin is obscenely loud, emptying Kihyun’s mind and leaving it blank with thick, dark need. 

“Move,” Kihyun orders weakly and Changkyun draws himself out, eyes raking lazily over Kihyun’s body before he thrusts himself back in and Kihyun fists his hands in the sheets, curses spilling from his tongue. Changkyun is almost vicious as he picks up his pace, establishes a haphazard rhythm that drives Kihyun absolutely insane. He leans in again until Kihyun’s knees are pushes up tightly against his chest. Kihyun’s breath comes in wheezes, a fiery flush spreading from his face to his chest as Changkyun fucks into him, treats him, in that instant, like he deserves to be treated, with contempt and anger, like a cocksleeve ready to be filled up with Changkyun’s cum. And Kihyun is almost there, almost feeling something terrifyingly close to love. 

But then Changkyun is kissing him, softly, in that disgustingly sweet manner that is so _Changkyun_ and Kihyun feels his stomach turn. Changkyun kisses him like he isn’t fucking him like a whore getting paid by the hour, like he means more than that. And the thought is appalling, the shock of it pushing Kihyun over the edge, as if his body just wants it to be over. 

He seizes up lets go, painting the tight sliver of space between their chests with his cum, soaking his sweater and Changkyun moans, his mouth lavishing Kihyun’s with kisses as he pulls Kihyun against him, uncaring of the sticky mess between them. Kihyun sobs as oversensitivity kicks in and his cock drags painfully against Changkyun, kisses him back vengefully and tightens around his cock, pulling his orgasm out of him until Changkyun goes taut with one last thrust and finally, mercifully, stops. 

Kihyun gives in to sleep when tender fingers caress his face, lips printing gentle kisses on his cheeks. He doesn’t want to be awake through this, doesn’t feel the need to. When he wakes up it is still dark and Changkyun is snoring softly by his side, a hand holding Kihyun’s. The bedside clock tells him it is minutes to dawn so he slips out of bed, of that half-embrace. Tries not to throw up the contents of his stomach as he puts his wrinkled clothes back on. They smell like the dark of trees and pungent drink and he swallows hard, trying to forget, putting all his focus into navigating the dark apartment in his hungover haze. 

Behind him, Changkyun moans softly, the bedsprings creaking as he turns in his sleep, but Kihyun does not look back, picks up his shoes and walks barefoot to the front door. Something, some remnant of a forgotten feeling, compels him to look over his shoulder at the darkened hallway, at the familiar walls and furniture that he can place individual memories on and around. It is easy, alluring, to walk back whence he came and into bed with Changkyun, ease his arms open and slip into their embrace. It is that easy.

But Kihyun had always liked needlessly complicating the basest of needs, tangling his desires into an inextricable ball and throwing it as far away as possible, knowing he was too lazy and stubborn to chase. And now there was nothing left to do but move on and away, away from Changkyun and his sickening, unwavering love.

Inside, Changkyun slumbers on, dreaming of impossible things. Outside, one of those things turns the knob and crosses the threshold, the door closing behind him with a soft, almost imperceptible click.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ajghar1)


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